//2022年11月23日、東京。Art Center Ongoingで「かえれないわたしたち」という無断企画展を勝手にやったばかりなのに、パパの体調のことで、急遽、12月のまだ高いエアチケットを買わなければならなくなったのです。帰れない私はまる3年ぶりに上海に帰ることになりました。なかなかドラマチックだよね。自分はよく「中国」という言葉を避け、「上海」と言うことを好んでいることに気づきました。
//2022年11月30日、東京。出発までカウントダウンの1週間。上海の烏魯木齊中路で白い紙を手にした人たちによって「白紙革命」と呼ばれる、これまでにないデモが発生しました。それは偶然にも、私の上海の自宅の前の路でした。ネガティブなニュースを読みすぎたので、パソコンからすべてのデータを削除しました。 また、もう1台クリーンなスマホを用意しました。 実際に使っているスマホを持っていくかどうか、非常に迷っていた。規制の基準が曖昧なので不安かな。
//2022年12月7日、浙江。入国の深夜、中国政府は「これからPCRはもうしない、ロックダウンもしない」と発表した。3年の「ゼロコロナ」政策は急に終わったのか？後で自分の失敗に気づいた。上海より安いチケットのために浙江省から入国したこと。そこは私の実家です。 親と、過去とつながっている場所です。隔離ホテルに向かうバスは、深夜の高速道路を疾走し、まるでブラインドボックスのようにどこに行くのかわからない。バスは消灯し、乗客は眠っているように静かだった。暗闇に残された光は、スマホの画面の光だけだった。急速に後退する冬の夜の木々を結露した窓から眺めていた。私はこういう冬の深夜バスに乗る感覚をよく知っている。
//2022年12月11日、浙江、隔離ホテル。隔離されたホテルの部屋には、青いプラスチックの四角いスツールだけが置かれている。 よく見ると、その上に花の模様がある。 ネットで鉛筆と白い紙を買って、フロッタージュでこの模様を保存した。窓の外に山がある。八日間山を見た。それが親しみと喜びをもたらした。久ひぶり！ここの空気の湿度、空の色、食べ物のにおい、方言、人の雰囲気（オンラインだけど）を感じるんです。 電話からママのアンハッピーリアクション、ママと私のそれぞれのエモーションを感じるんです。コントロールフリークママと弱くてパラノイアパパはいつも正反対な意見で、私は葛藤を抱えた娘に成長しました。集団主義、あるいは上からの強力な未知の力。いろいろな突然の不可解な力によって、少女時代に戻されたような気がします。RUN AWAY GIRLだったね。この３年間ママと会えなくて会いたかった。もうママとの関係は治ったと思っていたけど、オンラインコミュニケーションのフィルターがかかっていたかな。リアルはどうかな？ママとの関係も多分中国との関係に似てる感じ。あーあ、ママ、愛してるよ。愛してるけど、怖い。ネガティブで弱い心を見せてしまい、申し訳ないです。浙江省に戻ることは、少女時代に戻ることです。
//2022年12月15日、浙江、隔離ホテル。検疫期間がもうすぐ終わる頃、隔離ホテルの6階の部屋の窓から向かいのバス停に手を振ると、ようやくパパが私を見て手を振り返し、またスマホを掲げて写真を撮った。 でも、ママはどこに行ったの？数分後、wechatグループに私が手を振っている写真が届いた。パパはもういなかった。 少ししてママが現れて、ママも手を振り始め、私はもう一回手を振らなきゃいけない。必然的にちょっとしたパフォーマンス感があるね。ママも写真やビデオを撮って、私もまた撮りました。
//2022年12月16日、浙江、実家。この国のすべてが正面から襲いかかり、私を包み込んだ。言葉遣い、声のトーン、思考の癖、目線、動作、すべてです。 反対するものも、実は自分の身体の中にずっといた。
//2022年12月17日、浙江、実家。でも、困難は欲望を増大させる。
//2022年12月20日、浙江、実家。ここでの人間関係のほとんどは、実家のある団地のグリーンベルトにある剪定されていない木のようなものです。高すぎてすでに未開の森のように荒々しく、絡み合い、空を覆ってしまっている。「柔らかい柳の枝に風が吹くように」、何度も何度も彼女の言葉を思い浮かべるが。
//2022年12月22日、上海、冬至。ようやく上海に戻る時、バスの中は運転手と私ともう一人の乗客だけになっていた。近所をちょっと散歩した。この路ですよ。烏魯木齊中路。友達が「もう革命聖地になったよ」と冗談で言った。アメリカ大使館、イラン大使館、フランス大使館もある路。人を制限するブリキ壁がまだあるんだ。なかなか崩れないね。交差点ごとにパトカーや警察官がいて、私服の刑事の方が多いかもしれない。警察官は、たくさんの時間頭を下げて、スマホで遊んでいる。かつてはいろいろな人や文化がミックスしていた面白いこの路は、ここ数年でインスタ映えする路となり、あらゆる種類のトレンディなカフェやアイスクリーム店がひしめき合っていた。今は落ち込んでみたい、戦後の雰囲気すら漂っています。 そんな見知らぬ上海でも、私の大切なバッファゾーンであることに変わりはない。クリスマス前に上海に戻った最初の1週間は、知り合いも知らない人もみんな陽性になちゃってた。
//2022年12月24日、上海、クリスマスイブ。政府が強制的に接収した郊外の工場棟にあるシェアアトリエの引っ越し。 過去のたくさんのもの、カビがついてる作品も捨てた。鍵の山。ドアがどこかわからない。対象のないキー。対象のないパスワード。
//2022年12月28日、上海。実際に中国に入国してみたら怖がる必要はまったくないのです。出発前の恐怖は想像していた恐怖だね。想像していたけど、同じくらいリアルで恐ろしいものだった。自分の弱さを思い知らされた。今思ったら、今までの「正義」な私は、ロマンチックすぎて、自己感動的な偽善だったじゃないのか？用事の合間にちょっと シェアサイクルしたら、久しぶりにシンプルな喜びを感じることができました。
//2022年12月29日、上海。心理的な帰属意識と物理的な帰属意識、どちらが真実なのでしょうか？複数の目的が混在しており、目的が不明確である。 彼女は病気のパパに会いに来るため？ 家族を訪ねるため？ ママとの現実の関係を確認するため？ 思いがけず移住の心理的問題を解決するため？ アトリエの引っ越しのため？荷物の整理と発送のため？ 上海の映画館で中国語字幕付きのフランス映画を見るため？ 好きな美術館で、見たい展覧会を見るため？ 友人と再会するため？ 銀行カードや運転免許証など、特定の事柄に対処するため？ 何年も会っていない元カレたちに会いに行くのか、行かないのか？結婚した私の顔を見せるため？
//2022年12月31日、上海。2022年最後の日、突然、彼女のアパートの鉄門扉が倒れた。彼女は布団の中で泣いていた。泣くことは奨励されない。悪い状況でも、人は良い面を見せる傾向がありますね。昔行った映画館に行った。昔行ったレストランで食事をした。昔の友人や恋人に会った。昔ようにネットショッピングをした。昔の習慣やディテールなどを真似ることは、過去とのつながりを再構築しようとすることです。過去へ。でも失敗。モノや環境が過去の情景や感情を運んでくれるけど。何故だろう。人は自分の過去とどう向き合うのか？
//2023年1月1日、上海、元日。ハッピニューイェー！ハッピニューイェーか？ まあ、とにかく、いよいよ新年がやってきました。烏魯木齊中路が突然、オシャレな男女の群れで活気づいた。それから10日後慌てて上海を出るまでずっと、このまちが急に活気を取り戻したようにすごく感じた。都市のエネルギーやっぱり！そして、前のいろいろあったことが跡形もなくなったみたい。すべては起こり、すべては忘れ去られた。
上海に帰るまで切らないと決めた長い髪は、結局上海で切らなかった。上海に帰ってみたら、あの3年間の長さは東京のものだったんだと分かりました。
Posted by boat | more »Textual Notes PWSSSRFS…
(there are reasons to think about my body and hygiene these days)
— Notes taken while on residency with Amy Suo WU at Motel Spatie; Arnhem Presikhaaf, 2020 January-February
In the time of that sojourn, a surface wound that stayed the entire time, irritated, flaming and hardened so much that it was narrated from being the oddity of a pimple on my hand to the paranoia of a wart-like abscess. It accompanied me during our conversations like a replacement for the biting of nails which had accompanied me since childhood, the extra psychosomatic conversation with myself to harmonise and discord with any other conversations going on in the room. And we spoke about intersectionality.
— from “Worlds in Collision: Multicultural Art History (Selection)” by Carlos VILLA, from Supporting Material by Celine CONDORELLI
I picked at it, making it bleed and scab over more than once, wondering if this would be the lifelong marker with which to remember this time. Other people get tattoos for such occasions, but somehow for me bruises, scars and mosquito bites were always enough. Sometimes I liked to think about the tiniest bit of spittle from an insect you never saw being smuggled transnationally, at peak seasons such that your body could carry two nationalities of mosquito saliva at the same time, recognisably different by the radius of red and degree of itch.
It was only a surface. But as my skin-scoring became manic, I remembered one of the first meals we shared together, when we were happy to find a few pairs of disposable chopsticks in the otherwise fork-and-knife-loaded space. A bit too brashly did I rip apart the two sticks and rub their ends together so as to smooth the rough edges in the way that we had learned, and somehow a little bamboo splinter had lodged itself into the meat between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand. This is the pressure point you are supposed to massage in order to release anxieties, and so it was that this residency——initially planned as an artistic labour——unfolded into my body subversively with a small army of histamines hardening a point known as 合谷 hégŭ, or LI-4. Like a pain to help release pain.
I had been telling everyone that it had been such a difficult year for me, or for most people in my context, rather, but now, when I had limited this sabbatical purposefully to run back into the fire, that heat seemed to flake away into something much more quietly insurrectionary, like the last hibernation before the end of the world. What were we gathering amidst these stories and meetings, me picking self-consciously at a surface wound on the back of my hand and scheming in those vague ways afforded by poetry? Would it be possible to be productive about this care in letting go, somewhere in between concern and a manic extraction of the conversation one has with oneself, parasiting off of the glimmers of knowledge and joy and jealousy of these people around me. So many intensities.
— “Witch-hunt: gossip has always been a secret language of friendship and resistance between women”, Hannah BLACK
In many parts of the world, women have historically been seen as the weaver of memory——those who keep alive the voices of the past and the histories of the communities, who transmit them to the future generations and, in so doing, create a collective identity and profound sense of cohesion. There are also those who hand down acquired knowledges and wisdoms——concerning medical remedies, the problems of the heart, and the understanding of human behaviour, starting with that of men. Labelling all this production of knowledge ‘gossip’ is part of the degradation of women——it is a continuation of the demonologist’s construction of the stereotypical women as prone to malignity, envious of other people’s wealth and power, and ready to lend an ear to the Devil. It is in this way that women have been silenced and to this day excluded from many places where decisions are taken, deprived of the possibility of defining their own experiences, and forced to cope with men’s misogynous or ldealised portraits of them. But we are regaining our knowledge. As a woman recently put it in a meeting on the meaning of witchcraft, the magic is: “We know that we know”.
— Witches, Witching-hunting and Women, Silvia FEDERICI
Among you, it becomes difficult to compare all that has been said to all that has not been said. All of these conversations. And these words are a conversation with those conversations, if not simply out of a question of translation but out of the need to make space for myself in this constellation of you(s) and me(s). To ascertain, like that book I took from your bookshelf: Feelings are Facts. We(s) would need to meditate through hours and hours of these discourses in order to sift though the medley of feelings that make up this moment, and that is a fact, too. Yes, as the witches say, “We know that we know“.
— “Moral Injury and the Ethic of Care: Reframing the Conversation about Differences”, Carol GILLIGAN
And maybe I know too many things. My head is filled with all sorts of banalities like the facial expressions of strangers and the taste of your favourite Grüner Veltliner and the prick of winter mosquitoes. Like the approximate sojourn of a piece of shit that appeared a few days after I arrived. It was the lack of anyone’s care to remove it from the narrow path between our residency room and the project space, making it such that you took the long route around every time, while I forged ahead to play hopscotch. I had the forethought that this dog I never saw had left the natural wastes of its circulating body just like the mosquitoes, and perhaps I should bring other contraband back this time as another memento of my stay. But an uncared-for poop was just a parallel temporary visitor like us to this space motel, and the day before I departed, what were now like hardened coal nubs finally blew away with that strange storm of not very much rain. Perhaps its winds were so great it blew its own rain away, a storm having a frightening conversation with itself. Its utterances came out like screeches and gales that shook the glass of our cove. From inside, we lifted our heads up in awe, and when we went outside we walked at strange angles with our heads down, pretending not to overhear. Buddha was also blown violently away that day, falling off of a neighbour’s balcony and left as an Asian corpse shattered in the white neighbourhood. In the beginning I kept thinking we would have been a strange sight here, our little crew, but actually there was nobody around most of the time, and we were left to play on our own like children at the slumber party. We stole time that way, turning their money and our own productivity into a space for taking care. Even so, I walked on that shit at least once, but you took time, and we cleaned up our tracks together. Self-quarantine, if you want to call it——I gained ten kilogrammes, too——but something else feels lighter because I know we had taken it on together. This takes space and so it was that ‘project ruimte’ was exactly that, not as the space for projects but a project to make space, as a fact of feelings between us——to read together with long pauses in between, to write letters from near and far, and to eat and resist the fallen communality of a shared meal out of one bowl. To be together and trust in someone else’s voice to guide when our eyes are closed.
I don’t know yet how to bring this space into visibility. And maybe it doesn’t have to, except as mischievous glances and giggles between those of us who know, and even if you don’t see us you will feel the smiles in our voices in that space behind your ears and in front of your neck——a tingling somewhere between an itch and a tickle to make chords and discords in you, too. Take care.
— Altered quotations and notes taken from the afwasdoekje reading group, PWSSSRFS No. 1, 2020 January 25
nusantao and a trans-pacific dialogue with Chris Kraus
dirty south.
In a hypothesis developed by Wilhelm Solheim, the Nusantao Maritime Trading and Communication Network (NMTCN) is a trade and communication network that first appeared in the Asia-Pacific region during its Neolithic age, or beginning roughly around 5000 BC. “Nusantao” is an artificial term coined by Solheim, derived from the Austronesian root words nusa “south” and tao “man, people”.
— filed under “Nusantao”, Wikipedia
the spread in many directions as “a kind of excuse to party, right“, T. commented, and W. agreed, even though she was disappointed that nobody was listening, and even though she wanted to find some theoretical right to party, like a Brechtian sausage.
— 恩斯特·布洛赫
There would not have been a French Revolution, as Marx stated, without the heroic illusions that natural law engendered. Of course, they did not become real, and what did become real of them, the free market of the bourgeoisie, is not at all that which was dreamed of, though wished for, hoped, demanded, as utopia. Thus now, if a world were to emerge that is hindered for apparent reasons, but that is entirely possible, one could say, it is astonishing that it is not——if such a world, in which hunger and immediate wants were eliminated, entirely in contrast to death, if this world would finally just “be allowed to breathe” and were set free, there would not only be platitudes that would come out at the end and gray prose and a complete lack of prospects and perspectives in regard to existence here and over there, but there would also be freedom from earning instead of freedom to earn, and this would provide some space for such richly prospective doubt and the decisive incentive toward utopia that is the meaning of Brecht’s short sentence, “Something’s missing.” This sentence, which is in Mahagonny, is one of the most profound sentences that Brecht ever wrote, and it is in two words. What is this “something”? If it is not allowed to be cast in a picture, then I shall portray it as in the process of being (seiend). But one should not be allowed to eliminate it as if it really did not exist so that one could say the following about it: “It’s about the sausage.” Therefore, if all this is correct, I believe utopia cannot be removed from the world in spite of everything, and even the technological, which must definitely emerge and will be in the great realm of the utopian, will form only small sectors. That is a geometrical picture, which does not have any place here, but another picture can be found in the old peasant saying, there is no dance before the meal. People must first fill their stomachs, and then they can dance.
— Ernst Bloch
W.’s trauma of not being heard was a structural problem as much as a genetic defect, more recently amplified by contemporary notions of #fomo, post-maturity and the simple fear of being lost and forgotten and useful to no one.
S. was then of an age where she thought about age at least eight times a day. Having spent parts of her life in New York and LA, she knew where she was “from” didn’t much matter. When she was a student at Wellington High School, S. recalled being told by the head English teacher, a salt-and-pepper-haired man in baggy black-and-white tweeds who’d published critical essays on D.H. Lawrence, that because of her emigration from the US at such a formative age, she had no nationality and therefore, despite her interest in literature, could not be a writer [see further at 版本 version 3.0]. Which is to say, S. had lived through various eras including the demise of nationalism.
— from Absolute Love, by Chris Kraus (Scary Topiary Press, 2016)
Unfortunately nationalisms have not really died if we are still looking for these genealogies of belonging, southern girl, and you empathised with O.’s alienation even though he talked about love and hate in a way that made you hate him. later, W. made a transnational gift of O.’s art object produced by W.’s semi-anonymous collective, her shy prefaces leading T. to make fun of W. because of her need to make a “finished product”. These are all various forms of trade and transaction, not so dissimilar from the way that cultures and identities and forms of belonging happen over time, across oceans. so while W. becomes a businesswoman she finally realises that her roots are not merely ethnic as much as gender-specific and class-based, contaminated, kind of like ‘dirty south’.
— “Southern Girl” by Rahzel feat. Erykah Badu, from the 1999 album Make the Music 2000
Posted by 丫 | reply »the sum total of five years of cultural exchange or the life-span of an american apparel store in beijing
congratulations for your up-cycled changes. it’s official! enjoy what’s to come. what a beautiful switch. all the best for this beautiful adventure and thanks for all your input. we don’t know each other well, but I think you meant a lot to them. and seeking new challenges is good (I’m not so good at that). working in the heart of culture, i’m sure you will thrive. sad you are leaving but it’s good that you were able to do so many good things. good luck with future projects. congratulations. i’m sure we’ll see each other. congratulation on your new challenge. if you ever pass through vienna, i would be glad to meet you again. how are you! it is really a surprise to hear that you left! but sometimes it is good to change. wish you all the success in your new work! :-) all the best for your new job. you’re staying in the city? thanks for this email! how exciting that you are off on new adventures! wish you all the best. it was always a pleasure to work with you. wishing you all the best with your new job and who knows it might bring you to qingdao one day. congratulations. the bullet is through the church, beautiful. good message. speak soon. (well, since i said that you probably don’t want to, but anyhow i had to). though if you really take that job, i’d find it a big step down, what a pity… hope to see you, i think i will be in asia until june. great news! good luck with your new challenge. thanks for your support the past years. keep in touch and see you around. we may have never really interacted that much, but i know you for a long time. it is very sweet to receive this email of yours, and glad you are moving on to a new adventure. hope you can keep me posted of your projects. in whatever cases, i always feel content and happy that our encounter can still last in beijing, where clearly a lot of comes and goes happen in a way that emotional connection can be so shifty, big hug and congrats to you and j. wish you all the best. congrats with your new uptake! was always a joy to work with you. wow, new position sounds good! it was always great and inspiring to work with you! keep me posted, best of luck and till soon! thanks for your mail but especially also for your work the last few years there far away. it was probably not an easy decision to leave, however the new challenge is a good one, wherein you would again be able to mediate. whatever happens, wishing you success! our grant application went well! thanks to you! good luck! probably see you soon. good luck with the new challenge, whatever it may be. i must say i miss the city a lot myself and hope to come by again soon. i can imagine that even after five years you still want to stay and so take on a new challenge there. i wish you the very best for the future. from my side, many thanks for the pleasant cooperation. wishing you all the best and congratulations with the beautiful job. hopefully see you again in tokyo or beijing. so sorry to see you leaving us, but I’m sure we’ll meet again! lots of success in your new job wherever that may be. and of course many thanks for your contribution and support to our mission. this is the year of big news! life is always more exciting and challenging when you shake the tree. as you may well know, we are still searching for the right partner for our own adventure. if ever you would be open to discussions on this topic, please do let me know. i am sure you well know that they are on a rocky road so maybe if you do in fact decide to stay and go for it it could be very interesting in the short term, but it is not sure at this point how long the venue will continue. there is certainly a lot happening these days in China and especially within the realm of design. looking forward to hearing from you and good luck with the new chapter in lifetime adventure. many congratulations with the job! hopefully we may still see each other in china. well that sounds like a challenging move! good luck and enjoy :-) enjoy your new workplace. wish a lot of success with your new plans. for me it was nice to have met you. the support helped a lot. on the 20th of may my solo exhibition opens in the two cities gallery. you are of course invited. all the best and good luck in your future endeavours!! congratulations on the new job!!! i’ll be back in april and would love to catch up :) i’m sure the new you will also be great at welcoming artists and creative projects. it remains a bizarre thought… good luck today and enjoy it for now. and the new position sounds like it was made for you (but the other thing sounds good tooooo – what’s that??) thanks for your message. no, i didn’t know you were leaving. five years is also a nice term. lots of success with your new job. all the best. i’m really happy for you! wish you all the best and do let me know when you are happen to be in shanghai someday in the near future! much luck, love and success. i admire your steps en we keep in touch, for sure! thanks for all your support and you’re always welcome in jingdezhen, amsterdam or wherever we may meet. it’s truely sad to learn that you’re leaving, however, everyting will come to an end and we have to move on for new adventures. taking this opportunity, i’d like to thank you for all the work you’ve done for us, and for promoting bilateral cultural exchanges and cooperation as well. we wish you every success in your fufure journey. thanks for the news! and good luck with whatever comes next… nice! congratulations and wish you luck with your upcoming engagement! thanks for all the help and see you a next time! with many congratulations and best wishes for your new appointment. p.s. i hope that my health will one day allow me to return to china. i miss everyone dearly! congratulation for your very likely new position. that’s great, good for you! i’m working on a show next door this summer. let’s ketch up. thanks for your kind and touching email! i think it is great news that you will be directing such an insteresting institution. i am sure you will make an amazing work there. you will be most probably getting some news from me in the near future. i wish you the best and good luck in your new position. great news! success with your new challenge. thanks for your support the past years! keep in touch and see you around..:)! congrats with your new appointment. i had the pleasure of visiting once, and that’s a cool place! it was a pleasure working with you, and we continue to have the opportunity bumping into each other at beijing events! thanks for the cooperation and nice that you’ve found a new place! wishing you all the best! we of course wish you all the best and many thanks for your help and input the past years! it was nice to have such a contact at such a place! hopefully our paths will cross again sometime, keep us posted on nice things! wonderful to read about your new adventure and good that you’ll stay in beijing. i hope to be there again from july 1 for a period of 6 months. i’m sure we’ll run into each other at some point. shortly i’ll write your colleagues discuss how to obtain a visa. i was told that they would write the letter. my host seems not to be officially registered in China. coming wednesday at the chinese school in amsterdam i’ll tell my classmates at the beginners course in chinese something about q, the origin of her name, the collaboration, the differences between us and the book. the day after that new drawings from series will be shown, herewith the card. the series is part one of my new china project on which i want to work further in beijing. thanks for the pleasant collaboration, and lots of success and pleasure with your new steps! nice successor you have ;) lots of success in your new phase of life! perhaps we’ll see each other soon in beijing :) enjoy it there! congratulations! apparently still the place to be? certainly, otherwise you wouldn’t have headed there, haha. i also once too was able to take b. there for a nice lunch with chinese artists, h. and the like, about freedom of speech. was a reasonably good conversation and i gained more respect for b. lots of success with your new job there. i know that t. and his girlfriend j. also started there way back, but more physically there because it didn’t exist there yet. that was in the time that the first and second festival was co-organised by them, long long time ago. did you speak to m. at any point or do you still speak to her? i hope she is okay personally. hope that that didn’t cast a nasty dark shadow over your work although it must be strange to see your direct colleague on the front page of the paper. it even threw me. again, enjoy it there, try to keep your head cool (amongst all the art snobs and italian art phds) and enjoy everything you see and experience. soooo important. perhaps only in retrospect you realize how special everything you experience is. thanks for your message. i had indeed heard some things. i understand your move. from your message i gather that you prefer to stay in china. wish you success and who knows we may see each other again. first of all of course many thanks for your support before, during and after our visit to beijing! very good that you’ll remain in the city and exciting that you (probably if i gather correctly) are going to work there. is it known yet whom the new owners will be? and will p. be your new colleague? in any case: lots of success! a pity to hear you are leaving. but also good to hear that there is an interesting and challenging job waiting for you. i wish you lots of success with that and hopefully we’ll still bump into each other. congratulations with this beautiful job! nice for you. i wish you lots of success and hope it offers you new inspiration. perhaps we’ll see each other? good luck with your departure and the new roads you will embark on. keep me posted. it was great to work with you in 2015. the project wouldn’t have been there without you! keep us posted on developments! seems like a fantastic challenge in light of the changes ahead! good luck! sorry to hear that you are leaving the five-year position. congrats on moving on to the next level! good luck with your next step, give it that or any other better offer! look forward to seeing you again! nice one for j.! thank you for your kind mail and big congratulations on the new adventure! it’s been a pleasure working with you all these years and hopefully we can still collaborate in the future (hat-making workshop as public programme perhaps?! hat-exhibition?)!! in any case, it sounds exciting! they used to sell my more-crazy hats in the gift shop. my contacts were s, a, store manager r. and others. but they may not be there anymore! enjoy the new challenge!!! 5 years is indeed some time. good luck there (if that’s what it became) otherwise at another company!!! if you have any questions, feel free to contact me. look forward to hearing from you. it was a bit of a shock when we received your e-mail. our point of contact is leaving. but when we read on we saw that you are moving on to a beautiful new position. it will take some getting used to in the beginning after 5 years of being engaged in your current work but people should not avoid new challenges in their lives. we want to wholeheartedly thank you for the pleasant cooperation and the support you gave me last year. the cooperation was pleasant and went smoothly and i appreciated very much that you came to visit as well. but also that you informed and encouraged me to participate in this new show this year. thus i handed in the application form and the description of three works. in the information papers i read that the selection would be announced at the end of march. when i hadn’t heard from them by then i wrote a short mail to the organizers asking whether i had been selected or not with regard to the planning of other shows. i received the following reply: “thank you for your attention. we are busy reporting all the materials to the ministry of culture for approval. after that, we will inform all the selected artists about the final list. maybe in may”. kind of funny, the ministry of culture, which gave me an award, now has to give the approval. it remains exciting. again, wishing you success with your new position, also from my husband e. and we hope to meet you again in that city, which we came to love so much. congratulations with your new position. that sounds great! looking forward to meeting you there soon! good luck! it sounds very exciting! thank you for the support you gave us in the past. i hope to meet you soon again there and maybe work together in something else, who knows. wow great news! it will be great for you and you will have another interesting journey ahead, yes stay with us please, breath more air with us as we so need you here :-) stay in touch and let’s catch up sometimes if you’re free. i am much freer nowadays, enjoying the motherhood one more time. how exciting for you! it makes me happy to read your email. i wish you success with your new adventure and i really hope i see you again in not too long. congratulations a., what a loss for them. good luck with your new life choice, can’t wait to hear more. just saw your email. congratulations to your new adventure! it’s cool to see you moving on. let’s stay in touch! congratulation for your new position. wish you beautiful career transforming, cherish and keep touch! big change! have fun and let’s catch up soon! heard it was your last day today. strength to you for saying goodbye and enjoy your new step. lot’s of success with your new challenge! i am just back in the office from a short holiday and saw your email. congratulations!!! happy for you to get on the new adventure. good that you are still there! be in touch! and meet up whenever there is a chance! hi dear, got your e-mail! wish you a great start there! good to hear from you, and what a nice new position! i wish you lots of success with it, and perhaps our paths will cross again, there or elsewhere. may i keep you informed of interesting news or when we may head there again with our summer sessions? this summer we’re going to tokyo, also nice… hi, i wish you the best of luck with the new steps in your career! i’m sure it will be a great adventure… i’m actually in china at the moment, we’re on our way to tibet, but unfortunately will not be able to make it to beijing this year. after tibet we’ll go to hong kong to research job possibilities :-) keep in touch! hi, so nice to hear from you and many congratulations with this great new job! probably wasn’t easy to take this step.very cool! for a moment i thought you wrote you were going to amsterdam, but this sounds much better :-) i still work at the same place but it’s starting to itch to do something abroad. my boyfriend is in oman now for work, it also offers new opportunities. and hopefully back to beijing in future. anyway: lots of fun and success.
love, all.
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filled with initials and dotted with territories (for aka-chan)
Dearest aka-chan,
Has it been a big year for you, preceding and to come after the day yesterday which was indeed a day? i think about you often this year, you know, something like the distance of six months and the time of always. it makes me happy your daughter declares you are four years-old this time.
Actually, i celebrated your day in the city where we travelled, four years and 11 months ago. i wrote a message to z and we will meet after the 14th of this month. and probably i will meet mevrouw a at the beginning of next month. and f later in that month. but there are many more initials that have been lost, and sometimes this feels like the ocean, sometimes it feels sad. but i still don’t want to admit regret, so last week i visited an ocean filled with initials and dotted with territories, an ocean that knows very vast and very small at the same time.
At the bottom of a granite hill, there are many seafood restaurants which make this area a popular place to visit. you have to pass through small alleyways filled with creatures in glass tanks, and when you see a jade green postbox you can turn slightly to the right, then keep walking to get to the sea. this is one of the old postboxes from the colonial era, one of only seven left in the city bearing the cipher of King George V, but its freshly painted green-blue is really just a bad moustache.
when you emerge from the alley and arrive at the ocean, actually it looks not so much like the sea but a river. There is another bank with another hill on the opposite side, with granite that is identically uniform and equigranular (the average grain size is just over 2mm) to the granite on this side. There are some aunties and uncles playing cards on this side. Maybe there are on the other side, too. Although it is less than 500 metres across to the other side, it is wide enough not to see aunties and uncles over there. But my aunt used to live on that side, maybe only for about one or two years. Now she lives closer to this side, closer to where our family grew up, which maybe makes sense because here we are at the gateway for the Fujianese immigrants coming into the city. There were also many immigrants from Chiuchow, which is further east and further north from here as you keep heading along the coast. If you keep going further and further east and further and further north, you will arrive in Japan, and it is through this gateway that many Japanese merchants also passed, as well as Portuguese merchants on their way back from Japan.
The ocean is very vast. But here it is very small, less than 500 metres across, and there is a small temple for the goddess 天后 Tinhau. Actually, it is better luck to call her 媽祖 Matsu. She is the goddess of the seafarers, and you will find many temples in this region dedicated to her. Once i visited her island and sat on the cliff of her knees, looking over to China. I fell asleep at one point, and when I awoke, I was in China. Twice when people awoke here, they saw Matsu resting in the clouds——once in 1953, the year my mother was born, and once just last year, when I was halfway between here and Japan.
If you entered the harbour from the east, perhaps Chiuchow or Fujian or Japan, her presence at this gateway would have calmed you, and upon passing through the inlet the water would have indeed been calmer, and you would have rested easy only to be ransacked by the pirates watching from above on the granite hill. there have been gangs and clans and colonisers here, changing hands and moving around for longer than we know. there have been territories since the beginning of these beginnings… something is always east to somebody else. sometimes the view is long and vast, and sometimes it is less than 500 metres across.
anything fun going on
Is ‘Anything fun going on?’ a funny or weird question? I thought it was quite quotidian——’怎么样?’、’What’s up’——but if it all sounds too rhetorically polite and this context of digital correspondence should eliminate inquiries into some IRL, please accept my sincerest apologies.
unwarranted aside into anecdote. i was in a shopping mall the other day and while browsing a selection of a proud to be Texas-born international company’s fine wristwatches, the perky shop assistant asked, ‘So what have you been up to today?’, the unfortunate response being my fleeing the store. What should be reported of my day to a pouncing stranger tracking my eyeball movements to see which watch i’m attracted to——or as if now the policing and surveying has become so diffuse that everyone, even the shopgirl, is a viable check and measure on the status update of each and every consumer. Because yes we are all consumers now, taking precedent over ‘citizenry’, no more obviously felt than by way of those worldly practices people are able to maintain relatively easily in every place (latte, hamburger, uber ride). Of course, this is an observation of privilege coming from an (un)fortunate frequent traveler of ‘destinations’ that bear Starbucks logos as opposed to those other greater parts of the world still lacking decent infrastructure and education for its inhabitants, parts of the world that are still war-torn or ‘uncivilised’, parts of the world where the imperatives for freedom are not yet measured by the variety of packaged goods. And even if you don’t frequent Starbucks, or McDonald’s, or hitch uber, the fact that there are equally plentiful ‘organic’ and ‘artisanal’ backups is another minima moralia.
That is the fun going on, actually. We’re having so much fucking fun everyday we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Asking ‘anything fun going on’ is offensive, maybe, you’re right. Like swiping feeds, goddamit, information bloodsucking, ‘consumers are always right’.
‘Anything fun going on’ is like the airline attendant at the check-in counter who, since I’ve told her my profession is ‘artist’, asks where my most recent favourite exhibition has been. She is curious to know not only the city but the name of the institution, and for a moment i imagine her honestly believable sincerity. She proceeds to ask me which show was my favourite. A show that I have participated in or any show in general? Yours. Okay, hmmm… trying to be quick and effortless (speed and style as truth), I tick off a show that took place at a gallery in a different city. What is the name of the gallery? And as I name a name, I wonder about her interest in the institutions of culture, about the casual sophistication of big brothering these days, at this makeshift tin terminal that appears to have been built specifically for flights to the United States and Israel. This is perhaps due to the extra demands for security, both from the increased chance of malicious attacks and from the U.S. imposition of preemptive security measures abroad to prevent such attacks. So when a young Italian woman in uniform asks me about the fun details of my life, a subjective displacement has already taken place, and cynicism says it’s not a person talking to me, but the mechanisms of a system which have already striated us into one of a few alternating roles: policing agent, perpetrator, victim or just another piece of data. Friendliness as an appropriation for smoother extraction. Consumer interaction as marketing as profiling as social control as endless production.
You always put the state and the spy as counterforces, but I am afraid ‘the gravitational force of what is bourgeois’ within us entertains the story in its complexities of rendering forces ambiguous. Spy works for state. What is the name of the state? And how do you do today?
Posted by 丫 | reply »不过几十年，玩儿个游戏（for wendy and tangerine）
攝影 photo: Toto LOK
i still come across you from time to time. that smoke that made you blink two times consecutively––it’s digital. at the time, it felt like a border between us, an inability to approach you, regal. an observer limited by a border of mutual non-recognition, perhaps, that was our uncanny solidarity. now, i am touched in your absence. Touch physical, vectors of you, plastic tangerine, plush toy mother, there’s no comparison to what is felt, and those inabilities to withstand it. The world is regal as you are. Perhaps we see it better in absence, digitally. Like a once a year push-button interactive greeting, we could do without it, but doing as non-being won’t exist anymore, tangerine, and that kind of posterity doesn’t say much for the solidarities of the world, now does it?
by the third day of a new year, we emerge into aloneness again. he eats sticky rice cakes and asks, ‘What else other than border is produced during and after a project of solidarity?’ that border is a pixel archive that was accumulating all the while——even in your absence——like toxins seeping deep into the earth underneath pasts past. ‘Happy Holiday’ felt like apocalypse this time, and even that was digital, just another mailing list. Let us understand our being together via our common inclusion within the press release (a release, a notice…an obituary?). It’s all good news, it’s been a very good show, we’re all well-intended and each one can return to hurt alone——all theories, outside within, without inside. Your identities have been crushed, Wendy Tangerine, already lumped into another long list of women defeated, those precious creatures who feel too much (those that stand out, on the contrary, get knocked down for not feeling enough). Was it really that you felt more than the rest of us, or can we blame you for thresholds?
Maybe there are no projects worthwhile beyond our being united in death. Maybe there will be no more than a press release. Maybe there will be no more words to last longer than any of us, words just so untainted because they take to the form and reversal of each one who ‘finds’ them. this is not about selfishness anymore. such particularities, as she said, have been more terrifyingly replaced by the banal. words, words… these words, and the great collaborative achievement of collective misunderstanding. solidarity, as such. the fallacy is precisely that ‘our findings’ set apart, could never be so generalized—oh, value… like meaning, like etymologies for words long forgotten. we remember you totally and not at all.
Posted by 丫 | reply »writing oneself: the institute for spatial experiments
It could be said that these stammering movements begin egocentrically, not unexpected, as an awkward, unskilled dervish of thoughts, curiousities and flying trajectories (from me) of things trying to find their place. In other words, I am writing myself in this conversation, between you and me. What we do not know about one another has a context embedded in a structure known as art, or the institution, or the awkward banter of appointed meetings. I write myself in concentric circles that could fly through you or past you, and you may do the same, depending upon what could be put into words, where words may embody bodies and bodies circle around one another.
There is a book somewhere called Speech Matters, and in it an artist parenthesised as R.G. wrote this for his biography:
What is a biography, if not the markings of certain habits, born here, did that, a sentence or two about the ideas or questions one is concerned with, details, places of study, cities lived, a list of ‘accomplishments’. How to punctuate and elaborate a habit, until it breaks, cracks open, begins to stutter, bleed, set itself afire, and disappear into a crowd. She said, a word or two different, a small mark, to say, nothing more intimate in saying no, stopping, refusing. Why not have this book write a biography of itself. Why not a language give an account of its life. Here I said this. Here it did that. Here she died, at this date, at this time, at this place. Here she was, when everything came together and folded. Here she did this work which would never live up to anything but what an other would make of it. Where to find this other?
I have seen other versions written elsewhere. If we meet, of course it’s only one of any possible.
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